Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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