I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
