the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
