My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
