If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
