dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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