I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
