He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
