he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
