Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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