i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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