a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
