It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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