Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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