i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
