Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am available for nakedness
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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