Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
