i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
