You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
