Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
