I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
