Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
