Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
only if we run a train.
done.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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