know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
