So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
