Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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