Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
