In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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