here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
