Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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