video games are the ultimate cock blocker
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i think i just lost a toe
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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