I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
