you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
