she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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