i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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