drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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