i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
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Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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