Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
