First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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