She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
