I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Randomize