the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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