Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
