Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
