Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
