My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
