Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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