I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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