Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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