On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
