I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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