i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
