THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
