I just pynch a tree in the face
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
