I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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