i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
