remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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