his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize