Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
