Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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