he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
