Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
