Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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