her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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