guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
