My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
