Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sobbing to NWA
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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