good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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