I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
