how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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