There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
