apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i think i have two assholes
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
