It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
