I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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