It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
