Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
