I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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