I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
