i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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