i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
