there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
