Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
