How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
